can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
