I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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