so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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