Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize