i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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