brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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