the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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