Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
