Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Did I show you my penis last night?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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