Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
