It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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