you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
