You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Blow job season was short but glorious.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
