you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
