I will die if light touches me.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
