i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
