false alarm. still invincible.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
