Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
