Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
