38 yer olds are good kisserssss
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
