She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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