So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I want to fling myself into the sun
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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