Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
