Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
