im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
