I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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