if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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