If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
So I just went to clothing optional bar
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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