I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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