And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize