absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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