Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
