u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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