i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
