do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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