This dress was meant to end up on your floor
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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