My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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