Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.