so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"