i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
