Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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