Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
