You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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