Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
