Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
