Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
