She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Can I color on your dick again?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
