Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
