i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Enjoy the penises
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
