don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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