Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
