last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
