I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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