i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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