Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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