Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
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Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
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I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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