4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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