i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
