I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
