i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
