I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
