i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
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The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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