I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
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I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
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The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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