so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
