Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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