I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
