Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
