So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I wish there were birth control emojis
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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