ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Reggie can tackle my bush.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
