New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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