i was rollin on her like bob the builder
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
My day in three words: secret purse cake
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
