VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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