i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
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